you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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