I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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