i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
