We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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