the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
