Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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