he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
