For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
