Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
