it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
