Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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