We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
