this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize