sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
