I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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