I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
