Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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