a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
