Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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