i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
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