i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
