after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You may now shotgun with the bride
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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