it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
