is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
