You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
