Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
