i permit you to call me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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