can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
