Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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