So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
