As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
