Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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