So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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