i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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