i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
