i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
