I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
