I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
