She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
