she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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