what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
