all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
