This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
