On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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