Who wears a wallet chain?!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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