My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
