I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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