last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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