Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
