It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
