CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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