We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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