i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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