the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
