remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
