you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
