She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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