shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
