Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
