I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
