Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
