I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
