bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
