if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
