I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
