At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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