yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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