I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
