i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
