I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
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So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize