I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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