i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
it's like heaven, but drunker
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
