First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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