Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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