I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
