can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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